Villanelle (rough, rough draft)

So the wonderful One Stop Poetry put up a page all about Villanelles and I couldn’t resist attempting one. I didn’t stay 100% faithful to the form, but pretty close. I have a real problem with sticking to forms. This is first draft and needs a lot of work but I wanted to share anyways.

 

Falling Stars

 

 

I shoot holes in the sky

free suffocating stars,

crack open black eyes

 

I bleed the night dry

tuck it inside Plath’s Bell Jar.

I shoot holes in the sky.

 

They don’t say goodbye

as stars sing on guitars,

crack open black eyes.

 

They plummet to the ground, cry—

they are covered in night black tar.

I shoot holes in the sky.

 

The trigger is warm and I squeeze by

two shots into the broken star,

crack open black eyes.

 

I want to retry

to throw them back off far.

I shot holes in the sky,

cracked open black eyes.

 

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9 Comments »

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Gay Cannon. Gay Cannon said: RT @judyblackcloud: Villanelle (rough, rough draft) Phew, that was a challenge! @OneStopPoetry http://wp.me/p1bGYd-60 […]

  2. Gay Said:

    Wonderful. I saw it all. What a creative use of imagery, music, and wordplay. Excellent villanelle.
    Gay @beachanny

  3. wkkortas Said:

    Well, for a rough draft, that wasn’t so rough at all. One of the difficulties of the villanelle is keeping the thematic string going strong while working inside the strictures of the form; you’ve handled that very nicely here.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thanks! I really had a hard time with sticking to form and keeping to a theme like you said. That is a challenge with the villanelle for sure.

  4. Claudia Said:

    i think you’ve done really good judy. the rhytm is good – not strictly penned – but that’s ok in a villanelle. you have a great content, excellent use of words and the rhymes work well – very nice – i like it – cool imagery as well – suffocating stars – and i loved the stars singing on guitars…

    • Judy Black Said:

      Aw, I’m so glad you liked it!! Your post about the villanelle made me want to give it a try even though I try hard to avoid forms. So I’m very glad you enjoyed my attempt! The stars singing on guitars ws one of my favorite lines as well, it’s such fun to say aloud!

  5. Steve Isaak Said:

    GAH – ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THIS FOLLOWING COMMENT ABOUT this POEM TO THE DICKINSON POEM. (My comments button is at the END of the post, where yours is vice-versa, apparently, LOL)

    So, here’s the comment, put to the appropriate poem:
    Effective, sparsely worded lines = efficacious, wonderful poem, almost sublime.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Haha, I was wondering about that! That’s ok, my comment thing confuses me too a lot of days! Thank you so much for kind words. Sublime is one of my favorite words so it made my whole evening to see you use that word about my poem. 🙂


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