One Shot Wednesday 2/2/11: Homebody

Home Body

 

The phone explodes

against the wall

over my head.

Green and gold

disembodied

voices rain screaming

to the floor.

 

I live somewhere else.

The back of my head

is stitched together

from where you

showed me what love

is—the edge of a shelf

against 7 year old flesh.

 

I crawl under the bed,

tie my hands into my hair

like I did when I showed

my stitches for

show and tell.

 

I pretend the shouting

is a metallic language

I don’t know.

 

 

Posted for One Shot Wednesday Please go check it out and read all of the amazing poems shared there! Also you can read about me in a spotlight piece! 🙂

This poem is posted as a response to an e-mail I received after my When do you write from post went up, asking to see a poem written from childhood.

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41 Comments »

  1. brian Said:

    dang…intense the scar on the back of the head…tore me up…

    • Judy Black Said:

      I’m glad it tore you up (as bad as that sounds?) I was hoping that people would get that torn up feeling from this.
      Now I offer hugs to make you feel better. *hug*

  2. Draven Ames Said:

    Wow, what a powerful and sad poem. I almost cried at the end. You use a sharp and cold story with minimal words to create a chilling tale.

    Draven Ames

    • Judy Black Said:

      I’m glad that I could get a reaction. It’s not a happy poem but I’m glad to see that it is making people react.
      Thanks for the comment Draven! ❤

  3. poetgranny Said:

    haunting. i want to hug that poor little girl.

  4. dustus Said:

    Your poem, in particular the point reached in the third stanza about show and tell, really upset me. Powerful writing; tragic, yet as a poetic piece very moving.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thank you so much. I’m really glad to see that this poem is leaving an impact with you.

  5. amyjosprague Said:

    This is incredible. So heart-breaking in such a small space–nice job!

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thanks! I think sometimes some of the most heart breaking moments don’t need a lot of words or space, at least that is how it is for me.

  6. Gay Said:

    At last these dark tales are seeing the light of day. My prayer is that one day no child has to experience this fear and darkness that leads to reclusiveness, self-loathing and despair. Hard as this was to read, it needs to be written. Well done you! Thanks, Gay @beachanny

    • Judy Black Said:

      It’s taken me a long time to be able to write this poem and I’ve only written one or two poems about childhood, but it is something that does need to be written.

      Thanks Gay for your very sweet and supportive comment! ❤

  7. hope Said:

    wow. emotional
    powerful words
    well done
    thank you
    and thank you for your visit and comment

  8. Carl Said:

    This is powerful, real, and intense. It is crafted with minimal words which makes it more powerful. This is a good write. Thank you for sharing.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thank you so much. I tried to keep it to a minimal because at those moments the world is so minimal and simple if that makes sense.

  9. ~Sarah~ Said:

    The title says so much, this is home for many.

    Very nicely done. Brings out my protective side.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thank you, I’m glad I could bring out the protective side!

  10. Very powerful…

    tears of the sky fall to the ground

  11. Colum Said:

    Wow, Judy! You really never fail to impress.

  12. hedgewitch Said:

    True and painful. Love is tied into incomprehensible knots in these experiences that take a lifetime to unravel. Writing is an excellent start. Fine poem.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Writing is a great start and I love that love is tied into imcomprehensible knots. That is one of best explanations of love I’ve seen in a long time.

      Thanks!

  13. Fireblossom Said:

    I always make a point to come and read your entries. You make every word count, and it’s true poetry. What a pleasure, even when then subject matter is grim.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Aw, thank you so much! It really means a lot to me that you take the time to always come and see my work! ❤

  14. Valerie Said:

    Good images here, and the line breaks make for a stilted movement that mimics the subject well.

  15. whoa! judy, that’s hard tough writing. and captures the dark nature of the scene perfectly. great oneshot!

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thanks so much Monty! Sometimes those dark moments have to see the light of day.

  16. randallweiss Said:

    I think you should scrap “the edge of a shelf / against 7 year old flesh.” It overtells what is already clear.

    The imagery and emotions are very strong. The last 3 lines are especially good.

    • Judy Black Said:

      I think you are right with that advice. I think I worried so much that the poem wouldn’t make sense without those lines, but I think it is just over-telling at this point.

  17. kolembo Said:

    Glorious. It’s tragic, shattering, clean, tempered and deaply felt. One of the best I’ve read this week. The opening is fantastic. And I agree with the poster above. The poem speaks already.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thanks for the advice, I think I agree with the both of you and will likely remove those lines in future drafts. I’m honored that you find me one of the best of the week! 🙂
      Thank you!

  18. Caty Said:

    I feel for that poor child…child abuse makes me angry

    • Judy Black Said:

      ❤ I hope that one day it will end. No one deserves to be abused.

    • Judy Black Said:

      ❤ I hope that one day it will end. No one deserves to be abused.

  19. Judy, you did a great job telling this sad and haunting tale.

  20. Steve Isaak Said:

    Good use of story-telling, sparse-wording, short line breaks. Avoided preachiness (telling as opposed to showing), able work.

    • Judy Black Said:

      Thanks very much! I’m glad I avoided prechiness, that was a very real concern of mine with this work.

  21. Pen Said:

    Painful and powerful.


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